The fact I was not baptised has never been a source of commotion. My mother’s parents were devoutly religious and I have no doubt they didn’t like their daughters’ children not being baptised (one of my aunt and uncle decided not to baptise their children either), but they never said a word against it. Maybe it is because they realised their children were adults and could handle things on their own, maybe they just didn’t care. I don’t know and since my grandparents are both deceased there is no way of asking. My dad’s side is not very religious (they too were brought up Catholic) but my grandmother had revoked her subscription to the church and my grandfather is not very devout (but I can’t tell, since he barely speaks anymore due to his paralysis). Of course my uncle is gay, so that doesn’t really aid matters. I know one of my uncles is definitely an atheist and I always got along with him very well, and I don’t know about many of my other aunts and uncles (they are all nominally Cath0lic, but the extent of their belief is not really well documented for my part and since they never speak about belief, I doubt it is interesting for me to know).

But still, you come into contact with it. I went to a public school which was secular – my parents did offer me the possibility to study religion, and I did do religious studies while I was in primary school, in which we learned the stories from the Bible, particularly that of the Old Testament stand out for me. I did not own a Bible, but my paternal grandmother did lend me her children’s bible to read – which I devoured at the age of nine, since I was into mythology and stories (and I still am). But at that age, at nine, I considered them stories – I did not think about their implications in the world whatsoever. They were just stories, and whatever they said about God I took much in the same way I took Theseus slaughtering the Minotaur, or Perseus taking care of Medusa. It was a story, and one I have always liked for its storytelling value, but never for the truth or even its morality.

I hated my primary school – I was bullied heavily, I fought with lots of people. It wasn’t happy and I was alone often. I have spent many days in my room playing and making up imaginary friends to play with. It was normal for me – I was alone often. I didn’t really notice the meaning of friends. I didn’t know how to make them. I do now, of course – not easily, but I do. In hindsight that didn’t have anything to do with religion, but I can imagine how in such a period you could turn to God for aid. I didn’t. It never occurred to me that I could ask a deity for help. Perhaps it’s because religion wasn’t something spoken about with my parents – they never encouraged one particular religion and they always emphasized my complete cultural awareness – they wanted me to learn and to question, they didn’t want to make the impression on me that what they said was invariably true. To be open-minded sometimes, particularly my mother who is to this day still this way, was a valued trait and not a burden. They liked my eccentricity, even if that brought problems.

I went to a Catholic (nominally) high school. The school affiliated themselves as being an open Catholic school – they were founded on Catholic principles, but they encouraged any religion. Religious studies was on the curriculum, but I was taught by a teacher who managed to use South Park in his classes to great effect, and who managed to bring Plato equally effectively as the Sermon on the Mount. He was an excellent teacher – he was nominally Catholic, but he was also extremely open-minded, and he was very willing to teach about anything religion-related, not just his (proselytism was not an interest of his). He had to research Buddhism for one semester for us – he let us choose whether we preferred Buddhism or Islam (the overwhelming majority voted Buddhism). It meant he had a whole new thing to study, but he did it lovingly and to this day I know more about religion because he encouraged objective study of the subject. Religious studies teachers around the world, take note: there exist people who can bring the Bible, the Qu’ran and anything else to the people without forcing their opinions on you. There are people that encourage thought. Nevertheless, he always ensured I was interested in religion.

At the age of 12, my grandmother died. She was buried in her home village (a tiny, strongly devout Catholic hamlet in the south of the country). She was very religious, and my family being rather tight-knit, I tried to pray for her. But it didn’t work. I felt empty. It was like I could turn my hands to the sky and hope for a miracle, that she could come back, or that it would be ok again. It never was. Obviously. I don’t think that was a turning point, but it started my disinterest in religion – the endless tedium of masses in her name I had to attend afterwards are well etched into my brain. I became so sick of these masses, with the endless tedious sermons, that it was by virtue of sheer boredom that I wanted to leave it. I preferred to study the Latin and Greek rather than pay attention and would recite prayers in Latin rather than Dutch.

As I grew older my interest in atheism grew. At the age of fourteen/fifteen I started to develop an interest in heavy metal music, possibly the most atheistic of musical genres. I listened to punk bands. I learned of music called Bad Religion and although some of my friends remained Christian – I never sought their company in the face of some of them pointing out I should be religious. I wasn’t. We agreed to disagree. It wasn’t until a few years ago, though, that I really started to settle on this belief. It took readings of The God Delusion to understand what I really wanted to say. What it really means to be non-religious in a world full of people devout to their faith.

I was raised with awareness of science and technology consistently. My father has a degree in theoretical physics and now works in IT. Computers and natural history (I was obsessive about dinosaurs and the solar system as a child) were always around me. I learned how to do mathematics quickly. I was raised, in other words, to question – my father, as a scientist and rational person pur sang, would not have stood for anything less than his son doing his scientific academic work. But being induced into this early means that my upbringing is almost incompatible with religion. Be taught about the universe, about atlases, about the history of the planet and you stumble upon evolution very early – the central theory of why religion and science are at odds. Learn about Darwin and Cope means you’re almost bound to be in the field of science (I now study chemical engineering). My mother is a speech therapist and although she doesn’t really care much for sciences – she always encouraged study of it too. My brother is an animal freak and really loves nature documentaries – he too was raised with this and taking him to a zoo makes him ecstatic. He has watched more Steve Irwin than anyone we may care to consider insane – and he and I have watched David Attenborough documentaries together (one of my heroes nowadays). He also doesn’t consider himself very religious and he is planning to go into biology.

In hindsight, this makes my atheism seem almost obvious. Being raised tolerantly but always to harbour suspicion for anything; being exposed to the bane of all religion, evolution, as a young child; having experiences with religion that are quite frankly making any form of it seem irrelevant. But I still believe there’s something more to it. I like to say that I am a good person and that I am morally conscious. But science is not morality. Gravity doesn’t tell us how to love our partner. But I still believe that I can. And that seems to be the greatest victory. I don’t feel guilt about who I am or what I do. I answer only to myself and what I think is right. I answer to those I love. I have faith in those who I am close to. I love my family and my girlfriend to bits and pieces. I feel no shame for who I am. I am who I am, and I’m proud to be intellectual and to be able to think for myself.

I don’t believe I should take the advice of anyone who tries to corner me into guilt again. My one biggest weakness is guilt and the feeling I should make up for who and what I am. The feeling I have done wrong and need to make it right. That is why I declare myself an atheist. I will never feel anybody looking over me to tell me I have sinned. I will never feel the shoulder of society questioning why I have grown up to like half-Satanic music and read books about totalitarianism and suicide. Why I am a nerd into science and fantasy stories. Why I write depressing poetry. I do it because I am who I am and who I have discovered myself to be.

I have everything I desire. I have a job. I have self-expression. I have academic interests. I have music. I have love in my life. I have everything I want. God is irrelevant to my happiness. I can start to feel proud of myself soon, I hope. I sincerely hope this feeling will never change. The feeling of knowing there is someone that always loves you is the best feeling in the world, but I found this feeling on earth and not in my imagination now. For the past year I have tried to become happy and I sincerely feel I can succeed. For once I don’t always have to cry. For once I’m okay. For once I will be me.

I am sincerely yours, Planet Earth.

Jorn

Thrive on fire – you must try,
In throes of shadow we walk.
Every hour danced away,
And we take no step forward.

Mask of fireflies that bedazzle;
Like candles on insects,
Drawing men to the flame.
Home in straw, home at last.

Burdened in the wake of life,
Smart children without glass,
Plastic or concrete walls,
Just wood to keep out the wind.

Green forms in the jungle show,
Eyes twinkling, voices warbling.
A language alien to Terra,
A voice from a distant sun.

Open the hatch and the ladder,
Carry us away from the waste;
Smoking ruins behind the trees,
Cut away the source of hope.

Please take us with you?
We saw mushrooms of fire,
Exploding in the night sky.
We are left in the barrens.

We are smart children now;
Play with sticks in the sand,
Fire around our dying heart,
Just wood to keep out the wind

But what do you see,
when you gaze into glass?

I believe you see yourself,
reflected with a smile,
whitened teeth;
perfectly brushed hair;
layers of makeup;
nary a flaw to be found.

Yet when I look in the mirror,
I see kingdoms in ruins.
I see squabbles among the people,
The very ones that you rule.

Can you imagine why I stare,
when you break the mirror
in the morning,
when you haven’t brushed;
or put on makeup;
or combed your hair;

It’s because you’re afraid.

Journey Inside The Earth

Turned through holes of victims;
dug up the coin inside a cave.

And when I looked at it – two-sided;
Cast in the mould and came out
all like a copper circle in the rocks.

When I dig deeper into the core
I bring nothing but a trail of wine
and bread to seal my flesh traffic;
I wish you would open the gate.

I carve none on a stick, let it stand
buried in the sand from which we’re made.
I believe not that it would fall,
but I want the gold mountain to come from underneath.

I sold everything for a brass coin
when I wanted the silver in your home.
The glittering of a soul in the middle,
the sparkling of a smile in the heart.
I breathed your air from the start.

I am but peasantry digging for coins;
not even a dog to sniff for the hoard.
I know I have very little;
yet you always leave me wanting more.

I had no fun during Robert Fripp though. I know, I know, he was in King Crimson. I know, I know, he released some classic music. But his solo project needs to die. Seriously, ocean sounds with an added layer of Shine On You Crazy Diamond-intro PF guitars for 35 minutes? Get the hell off my stage, buster. I know you’re a legend, but that’s just the most boring thing since watching paint dry. Or my life. Or both, while watching grass grow. Please, SW, I know you love the guy and all, but this is not suitable for a live setting.

 Robert Fripp gets 2 whales out of 10.

One of those points is for being in King Crimson, mind. Awful.

Porcupine Tree took to the stage after a way lengthy soundcheck. The band was on top form, even with the vocal mix being a bit off in the beginning. The band are a solid, tight unit and SW’s presence live is not as overbearing as most musicians – he exudes a sort of quiet geeky presence – but he is clearly in command of the crowd anyhow. It was quite fun to watch him react to a man in the audience crying out for songs he wanted to hear; his subtle derision of “do you not know how a rock show works” and holding up a setlist was enough to excite a ripple of laughter from the crowd.

Apart from that, the long, excellent setlist with a few amazing crowd pleasers (Lazarus, thanks!) and of course the closing Trains (god that song is one of the best things ever), and an excellent rendition of the heavy section of Anesthetize means I’m glad about having witnessed SW and the boys back on the road. Thanks for making some of my time fly. Also, the visuals are sexcellent. Many thanks to Lasse Hoile for them.

Porcupine tree get 9 paparazzi hands waved at them out of 10.

Setlist:

Until the next time, Jorn

Anyway, as DT were last, details of their set when you scroll down this lovely blog entry.

Opening up at 6:15 PM were the quebecois of Unexpect. These guys are more insane than a turtle/dolphin hybrid on a simultaneous combo of acid, shrooms, and various other drugs. I think I’ve seen everything from polka to metal to classical to jazz pass by. And that’s just probably a tenth of the styles this band incorporates. They have a very energetic stage performance, the band never stands still for a second, and even with limited stage space this band knows how to work an audience. It’s a shame not everyone had come in yet during their set, but they are well worth the repeat visit to Brussels in 8 days. These guys are absolutely nuts and their technical mishmash of orchestral metal, death vox,  Mr. Bungle-esque circus music, Dillinger Escape Plan-chaos, and whatever else have you is worth the price of entry anyday. Good musicians, good music, good band.

Unexpect are allowed to play 8 unexpected shows in my neighbourhood out of 10 possible venues.

Bigelf are extremely retro. Next time, don’t blow up an amp on stage (but Mr Fox wonderfully entertained the crowd during that little mishap). Organs, Pink Floyd-esque guitar solos combined with Sabbathian heaviness and a Deep Purple-ish organ sound, a new band from an old decade. As wonderfully 70s as they may be, Bigelf are competent performers anyway, and even with Fox’s funny stage outfit, they are charming rather than annoying.

I do suppose this is the band I care about the least on this lineup, but it’s all right. Bigelf get a solid 7 retro LP cases out of 10.

Opeth were absolutely fantastic. Third time I’ve seen them, third time they are spot on. Mike is always funny. Great fucking band. Second time my neck hurts for days after seeing them. Just go watch Opeth. Prog metal of the most exquisite calibre.

Opeth setlist:

Windowpane
The Lotus Eater
Harlequin Forest
April Ethereal
Deliverance
Hex Omega

Opeth get 9 metal headbanging neck hexes out of 10.

Dream Theater are simply flawlessly massive like nothing else I’ve ever witnessed. Festivals always give you sound issues and the previous time just had too little of a good setlist to be really stunning, although it was amazing in its own right. This time, the band was firing on all cylinders. I’ve walked home with the idea that every single penny was worth it. James sounded fantastic, too. The setlists still leave something to be desired (four Black Clouds songs is too much), and the keyboard solo is still unecessary, but other than that they got everything right. I practically died when the played Take The Time.  Fantastic performance.

Dream Theater setlist:

A Nightmare to Remember
A Rite of Passage
Hollow Years (demo version)
Keyboard Solo
Prophets of War
Wither
The Dance of Eternity
Take The Time
—
The Count of Tuscany

Dream Theater get 9.5 counts of prog metal out of 10.

until the next time, jorn

Figures they’d translate well to the stage, dunnit?

Well actually Leafblade opened for them, which is basically a dude and Danny Cavanagh (yes, he of Anathema) playing acoustic songs. It’s nice. The singer has a good voice. It’s not particularly interesting or bouncy or I want to jump around in a container full of rubber balls kind of awesome, but it’s good. And you can take your girlfriend who isn’t into grunts, atmospheric keyboard tralala or pounding riffs to see them. And slowdance. That’s kind of awesome in itself.

Leafblade get 6 invitations to go to California to sing their songs in the hippie era out of 10.

After that was a short break for instrument setup. And then came the awesome. The hair on your balls. The semen in your ejaculation. The cherry on top of your birthday cake. They are Anathema, and to say they are no good is anathema from this day forward. Seeing Anathema is like witnessing Pink Floyd cover My Dying Bride, Sigur Ros, and themselves all at once, before imploding on themselves and starting to sound like Radiohead on speed. They’ve just got such a variety of songs, a multitude of ideas, and a prevalence of good melodies that makes you wanna simultaneously bang your head, clap your hands, and run around in circles for the awesomeness of it all.

Anathema aren’t the most technically skilled band, but they don’t need to be; the strength of their songwriting (!) is such that they need only competence at their instruments to be leagues ahead of everyone else. They delivered a solid two hour set full of two encores and everything ranging from metal bashing to acoustic folkery to atmospheric keyboard-drenched layers to creepy robotic noises. And they pull all of it off without sounding cheesy. Morose, maybe, but they have fun playing it, and they do it from the heart. This is a band you should go see the next time they come near you and buy their shirts, merch and everything else because this band does not deserve to play small clubs when shitty rappers sell out stadiums. This is real, true, class from real performers.

By the way, Anneke van Giersbergen (you know, she who is not in the Gathering anymore) made a guest appearance on three songs. She rules. Her voice is inch-perfect. Also, Vinnie is a charismatic performer. I love Vinnie. Even with his tight pants and leather jacket which don’t suit him at all. Go this band.

Anathema get 9.5 offerings to the gods out of 10. Where the gods are the band themselves.

Setlist:

Balance
Closer
Empty
Lost Control
Angels Walk Among Us
Deep
Temporary Peace
Judgement
Panic
A Natural Disaster (with Anneke van Giersbergen)
Hope (Roy Harper cover)
A Fine Day to Exit
Flying

Encore:
Are You There? (acoustic, Danny only)
The Blower’s Daughter (Damien Rice cover) (with Anneke van Giersbergen)
Parisienne Moonlight (with Anneke van Giersbergen)
Sleepless
Hindsight

Encore 2:
Universal
Shroud of False
Fragile Dreams

We also missed most of Alestorm, except the end, but fuck these power metallers that can’t take themselves seriously at all. Ok, they’re not HammerFall. Or Rhapsody of Fire. But they’re still a bunch of weirdass Scottish pirates. With songs about beer and pirates. And drinking. And they’re still quite lame.

Alestorm get 4 “ahoy matey, you can go scrub the deck”‘s out of 10.

Die Apokalyptischen Reiter were pretty good. If they didn’t have a guy in a bondage costume (how is that pagan anyway) they might have scored a point higher. Also if I actually knew their songs. But they weren’t bad, and I actually might want to listen to the studio stuff now to check if they’re just a (good, unlike Alestorm) live gimmick, or actually worth the bucks.

Die Apocalyptischen Reiter get 6 leather costumes out of 10.

Unleashed are solid death metal. No idea what they were doing on this tour, considering most of it was rather melodic humppapa metal, but they were excellent, the best band of the night in my opinion. I like my paganism with balls, they are excellent at providing me with some (and giving me a headache of epic proportions. Which I already had, but anyway).

Unleashed get 7.5 Dutch hammer battalions out of 10.

I didn’t see Korpiklaani because we had to get the train home. Sucks for them, good for me, never liked Korpiklaani anyway.  So fuck them. 1/10

I don’t have any setlists. Poor 3 readers of the blog.

Until the next time, Jorn

Left, the local opening band, was generic but tight indie rock with a bit more power than your average Maximo Park song. Didn’t suck at all, had some sound problems with the guitars being low in the mix, solid act overall, but the songwriting is low quality and samey.

Left get 6 right turns to get on the stage out of 10.

Taking Back Sunday came on after a relatively short break. They played mostly a “best-of” set, except it’s not a best of if you play new stuff in their case: they just mixed it up between all the albums they have released so far. This means that obvious picks like “This Photograph Is Proof” were omitted, but on the other hand some old tunes like Cute Without The E or You’re So Last Summer, or the amazing Timberwolves At New Jersey.

The band were energetic, as most bands of this type are bound to be, but somehow a little bit was missing from the vocals: perhaps it was that they were just slightly low in the mix from where I was standing? Anyway, Taking Back Sunday, despite not providing anything overly theatrical, are a solid live act, and I wouldn’t mind seeing them again if I actually got the chance.

Taking Back Sunday receive 7.5 sundays I was taken aback by solid performances out of 10.

PS: Can we stop kiddie crowdsurfing. Or crowdsurfing altogether for that matter? Damn that is annoying.

opening band were the Lucifer Principle, who were ok I guess. They have a cello instead of a bass player (sounds like a jazz thing to do), and were pretty ok. I guess. For having shit sound and some remotely headbangable riffs. They were endurable but that is kind of all that there is that needs to be said about these guys. I’m gonna leave it at that.

TLP get 5 principles of matches out of 10.

Lamb of God are the hair on yer arses. They are the metal kings of metal today. Better than Slayer, more existent than Pantera, less inclined to go down the shitroute like Metallica/Megadeth/Anthrax, and plain tight as fuck, even with Mark back home to witness the birth of his child, they know how to kick ass. Pits were plentiful, heads were banging, voices were chanting, and the band tore the Melkweg apart. I’m sure you’re pleased with yourself busters, ’cause I am.

No setlist qualms except maybe one more Sacrament song next time? Please? Foot to the Throat? Have you guys even heard that song after you wrote it? Anyway, the setlist was top notch, the performance was top notch, the energy was top notch… it was a high calibre show from a high calibre band that I am glad to see in a 1500 man club venue headlining rather than opening on a festival (like last time at Graspop).

Very metal, and go see them if you like any of the other bands I mentioned. Or if you like your metal headbangable without cheesy keyboards. They do it better than anyone else out there at the moment.

Setlist:

The Passing
In Your Words
Set to Fail
Walk With Me In Hell
Hourglass
Now You’ve Got Something to Die For
Ruin
Dead Seeds
Pathetic
Broken Hands
Omerta
Laid To Rest
Contractor
———-
Reclamation
Redneck
Black Label

Lamb of God get 9 codes of honour out of 10.

Until the next time, Jorn